


She used to be mine

by Jonsalover101



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Actress Rey, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Amnesia, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Ben Solo Has Issues, Car Accidents, F/M, Fluff and Angst, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I'm so sorry, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, M/M, Musician Ben, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rey (Star Wars) Has Issues, Singer Ben, Traumatic Experience, but i cried writting this, everyone is sad, sorry fran, this was supposed to be happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-17
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:07:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26518729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jonsalover101/pseuds/Jonsalover101
Summary: Inspired by a prompt from @galacticidiots"Can you guess the song?"It takes he two seconds"'You're not alone' by Ben Solo!""Right! I know you're a fan of his...""Understatement. I'm literally obsessed.""What if I told you he's backstage right now waiting to meet you?""You're funny!""I'm serious.""NO WAY??!"
Relationships: Armitage Hux/Rose Tico, Kylo Ren/Rey, Poe Dameron/Finn, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 34
Kudos: 84
Collections: Galactic Idiots Collection





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [BensCalligraphySet](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BensCalligraphySet/gifts).



> Unfortunately for you all I am an idiot who forgot to save the link to the prompt and only screenshoted it. And the tweet was a while ago and I can't find it....

Ben Solo gained his fame five years ago when he released a song named “ Let go”. It was not a happy song. It was angry and sad and it carried a tragic backstory that only a few people knew. Rey Kenobi rose to fame a little more than 3 years ago when her first movie “ Galaxy Battles” was released. Rey did not remember much of her life before that.

Ben Solo is angry. He used to be happy and cheery. He used to have the world. Rey feels like a piece of her is missing. It pains her. Ben Solo used to write angry and sad songs. Now they are just sad. Reys' characters are always trying to find a place in the story.

Ben Solo drinks to sleep at night. It gives him a false sense of hope. The illusion is gone by the morning. Rey Kenobi does not sleep. Her dreams are haunted. She stopped trying to understand them a long time ago. Rey listens to his music. His piano and lyrics always speak to her. It amazes her, how much a stranger can understand her. It is as if his songs were all written for her.

Everyone in Hollywood knows about her love of his music. Nobody asks him about her. In all honesty, they don't ask him anything. They are afraid of him. Not that they have a reason. He is just tall and intimidating and people know of his music and they just assume.

He writes ballads and odes about lost loves and searching and finding and losing. It is always loosing. It always ends up loosing. He is a pessimist now. He used to be an optimist. They don't know that.

He doesn't do interviews. His agent begs. He doesn't change his mind. She does a lot of interviews. They are kinda mandatory for her. Her agent says it is free promotion for her movies.

Her agent calls one day. She wants her to do an interview on Jimmy Kimmel. She doesn't want to. She agrees anyway. His agent calls. He wants him to do a Jimmy Kimmel interview. He is about to shut him down. Poe, his agent, is faster than him though.

“ They'll bring Rey. They want you to surprise her. You know that she listens to your music.” For a moment, there is no sound from the other part of the line. Ben takes a deep breath.

“Ok.”  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rey Kenobi has her best friends, Rose and Finn to support her. Ben Solo has a few friends from a past life and his parents. Still, he feels alone. He is a ghost of his past self. He lives in the memories. The same ones that kill him every night. He doesn't mind. He is used to it. Still, he has a little bit of hope.

The morning of the interview he wakes up feeling nothing. The morning of the interview is like every other morning for her.

Poe comes into his apartment and sits next to him in the bed. Ben is already drinking from a bottle of Jack that was probably next to him in the bed.

“ I'll take that from you. I can't have you shitfaced today. Even you, yourself don't want that.”

Ben doesn't respond. He just nods his head.

“ I'll allow you a shot before the interview. Liquid courage.”

Poe put his arm on his shoulder and squeezed. Ben turns to look at him. His eyes are red and puffy and Poe suspects that it is not from the alcohol.

“ I don't know if I'll be able to do this.”

Poe looks at him, eyes full of understanding. Because Poe knows. He is one of the few people that know.

“ You are. We all know what you going through. I'm sure that Leia...”

He doesn't get to finish his sentence. Ben interrupts him. “ I haven't told my parents.”

“ Then who knows?” Poe asks carefully.

“ The rest of you but my parents. I don't want them to pity me. Everybody else pity is fine.”

“ We do not pity you, Ben. Everybody is suffering with you. I don't mean that it's the same, but... we get it.”

Poes phone rings and he answers it without looking at the caller ID. The person on the other part of the line is Hux, asking him to open the door. He has also come for support. Poe opens the door and Hux leans in towards him to talk without being heard.

“ How is he?”

“ Worse than I thought. He is already drinking. He never drinks in the mornings.”

Hux nods. They walk inside Bens' bedroom. He is again holding the whiskey bottle. Hux gets it from him mid-gulp.

“ I don't think that you want to be drunk today buddy!” Hux repeats Poes' words from earlier.

Both men sit on the bed. Ben says nothing. He just stares at them. He starts closing his eyes. He is not tired. He just doesn't have the emotional strength to deal with anything. They don't let him.

Hux taps his foot. “ You can't fall asleep. You have to start getting ready.”

“ I've got plenty of time.” He growls.

“ No, you don't. It's past noon. You've got till six and I'm sure that even though you've known about the interview for a couple of days, you still haven't picked a suit.”

Ben looks at him. “ I haven't.” He simply states.

“ She wouldn't want you doing that to yourself.” Poe tries to help.

Ben snaps. “ Well SHE is no here, is she?” He calms himself and closes his eyes. “ She hasn't been here in almost six years.”

“ I know buddy. Come on, you've got to take a shower.”

Poe and Hux put their hands under his armpits and make him stand up. They walk him to the bathroom and he locks himself inside. At least here it is quiet, he thinks.

Poe looks at Hux. “ Do you think it will ever get better?”

“ Only if she returns.”

Poe nods in agreement. “It will get better for all of us. Not just him. No more lies and secrecy.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rey is in her room. She is surrounded by a couple of stylists, makeup artists, and hairdressers. Amongst them, her best friends. Rose looks worried and so does Finn. They whisper from time to time, away from her, so that she can not hear them. She does not find it in herself to care.

“ Do we know what is happening, you know where?”

“ No. I tried reaching out, but no answers.”

“ Maybe it's for the best.”

They all finally decide to dress her in a black simple gown, with sheer sleeves. Rey likes it. It is long and she feels covered and protected in it. Still, she feels empty inside. One of her stylists notices her mood.

“ Would you like to put on some music?” She asks and smiles kindly at her. Rey smiles at her thoughtfulness. “ This can sometimes be a long process.” The woman continues and laughs.

“ Sure.” Rey answers. She turns to look at one of the makeup artists that is preparing her at the moment. “ Can I step down for a second?” She asks.

The man smiles and steps away from her. She moves towards the stereo system and hooks in her Ipad. Sad music fills the room. It's from Ben Solos' latest album. Rose recognizes the song. As “Please” echoes through the room, Rose turns to look at Finn. He looks at her and nods in acknowledgment.

The rest of the process is depressing in Roses' eyes. The music plays a major factor. Solos' music is depressing or angry. Rey puts on a stoic facade and pretends to be enjoying the process when in reality both Finn and Rose know that she does not.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rey is standing in the elevator that will lead her to the interview room. She can feel the elevator moving upwards and she takes a few deep breaths to calm herself. She puts on her most believable fake smile and feels the elevator come to a stop.

The minute the doors open she can hear the crowd cheering for her and clapping. She now waves at them as she moves towards the couch. Kimmel stands up to greet her and after the standard greetings, she is able to sit again.

“ Miss Kenobi it is lovely to have you here again!”

“ It is a pleasure being here!”

“ Would you like to tell us a little bit about your new movie?”

“ I would love to. It is the second in the “Galaxy Battles” trilogy. It is directed by J.J Abrams, like the previous one. I can't give out much but... I can tell you this... Kira finds the belonging that she was seeking.”

At her words the crowd cheers.

“ Hmmm that is very promising, don't you think?”

“ I think that the fans are not going to be disappointed!”

“ That's great! But I think that we had enough work talk don't you think?”

“ Oh absolutely!” She says and laughs.

“ I think that we should play a game!”

“ Oh! I'm in!”

“ All right then! I'll play some song intros for you and you've got to find the song before the lyrics start!”

“ Oh, fun!!”

Immediately the first song plays. “ Can you guess the song?”

It takes her two seconds.

“ 'You are not alone' by Ben Solo!”

“ Right! I know you're a fan of his...”

“ Understatement. I'm literally obsessed.”

“ What if I told you he's backstage right now waiting to meet you?”

“ You're funny!”

“ I'm serious.”

“ NO WAY??!”

Rey felt excited. Truly excited after a long time.

“ Yes, way,” He says and laughs.


	2. Chapter 2

Backstage, Ben Solo takes a shot glass filled with whiskey that Poe gives to him. He watches the interview from the TV that is installed near the elevator. He waits patiently. He can feel someone standing next to him. He glances at him briefly.

“ Drinking again, Solo?”

“ I'd barely call that drinking, Finn. But you do you.”

“ I'm sure that you had more than just a shot of whiskey.”

“ Mind your business. It's just for a night. Then we can all go back to our miseries, alone.”

He puts an emphasis on the alone part and Finn does not push further. He respects the pain that he's into. He respects it because he knows that is not who Ben truly is.

“ It will get better you know.”

“ Until that happens Finn, we're both stuck here.” He says as he steps into the elevator.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The crowd cheers and he steps out of the elevator. Time stops and for a second there, he only sees her. She is smiling brightly at him and he finds himself smiling back. A genuine smile. After a long time. He greets the host and introductions are made.

“ I must confess, I love your music!” She says full of excitement.

“ And I really like your movies miss Kenobi. It's a pleasure to finally meet you.”

They sit next to each other on the couch. The metal bands that are hanging around his neck by a small chain, invisible to everyone else, feel too heavy. He takes a breath and stills himself.

“ So Ben, I'm sure that you are aware of Rey's interest in your music.”

“ I am.” He answers while he laughs awkwardly.

“ How did you find out?”

“ From Twitter.” He says and the crowd laughs.

“ I didn't know you were on Twitter.” She said blushing.

Rey looks at him. “ I'm not.” He answers her and the crowd starts laughing again.

“ My agent showed me.”

“ Would you like to tell us the whole story?” The host asks.

“ I was actually in a music session and my agent barged in the studio, holding up his phone and at the moment I didn't quite register what he was showing me because I was lost in the music. Like ten minutes later when I got out of the studio I realized what he was showing me and I was thrilled. I had watched “Galaxy Battles” a few days ago and Kira was my favorite character, so yeah... I was ecstatic!”

“ Oh my God, I just hope that it was not an embarrassing tweet,” Rey says while blushing.

He leans towards her. “ I don't think it was.”

The chat continues easily. They talk about music, movies, theatre. Art in general.

Towards the end, Jimmy looks at him with a mischievous look. “ I think that everyone would like for you to sing something for us!”

He really wants to deny, but Rey is looking at him with pleading eyes and he knows that he would do anything for those big eyes. So, he stands and walks towards the band and sits in the big piano. He hesitates over the keys, but eventually takes a big breath and makes a big decision.

_ It's not simple to say  _

_ Most days I don't recognize me  _

He wrote the song a year after the accident. He was already drinking and living in memories. He couldn't recognize himself anymore.

_ That those shoes and this apron _

_ That place and its patrons  _

_ Have taken more than she gave them _

His mind takes him back. Seven years ago, in a small, crappy apartment in Hollywood. He remembers the last time that he was happy. He remembers Mazs' dinner, where the woman sitting across him worked. They barely made ends meet, but they were happy. She worked long hours and always, barely made it in time to her auditions. So did he for his hearings.

_ It's not easy to know  _

_ She's not anything like she used to be _

_ Although it's true _

_ She was never attentions sweet center _

_ I still remember that girl _

Ben visualizes a much younger Rey Kenobi, crying and screaming at him that dreadful night. If you asked him now, he couldn't remember why they fought. Now she is the same pretty and talented girl with no memories of him. They used to be each other's words. Not anymore.

_ She's imperfect but she tries _

_ She is good, but she lies _

_ She is hard on herself _

_ She is broken and won't ask for help _

He remembers another version of Rey, his Rey. The one that cried at nights. They were mixed tears. Tears of happiness for what they used to have and tears of sadness because of her lost childhood and family. She cried but never asked for any kind of help.

_ She is messy, but she's kind _

_ She is lonely most of the times _

_ She is all of this mixed up  _

_ And baked in a beautiful pie _

_ She is gone, but she used to be mine. _

Ben revisits the old apartment. That night it was messy. He finds his Rey alone in there as always. He remembers walking in and smelling apple pie. She loved to bake and always did so when she was upset.

_ It's not what I asked for  _

_ Sometimes life _

_ Just slips in through a backdoor _

That last night she stormed out from the only door in the apartment, but in his then ignorance for what was to come, he thought that if they were living in a big house she would leave from the backdoor.

_ And carves out a person  _

_ Who makes you believe it's all true _

_ And now I've got you _

_ You're not what I asked for _

_ If I'm honest, I know _

_ I would give it all back for  _

_ A chance to start over  _

_ And rewrite an ending or two _

_ For the girl that I knew _

Ben would give up everything to go back to that crappy old apartment. He would sell his soul to the devil to return and have her true self back.

_ She is gone but she used to be mine _

That woman used to be his. His entire world. He can still smell her cheap shampoo and the taste of the apple pie that she used to make. The memories kill him. He sees her smile and her naked form. He sees her scars and her insecurities and kisses them all away. She only sees a stranger.

_ She is messy, but she's kind _

_ She is lonely most of the times _

_ She is all of this mixed up  _

_ And baked in a beautiful pie _

_ She is gone, but she used to be mine. _

He stops playing. He raises his head from the keys and everyone claps and cheers. A single tear falls from his eyes and he quickly wipes it away, before anyone sees. He walks back to his seat.

“ I'll assume that this is a new song.”

“ It isn't actually. I wrote it the same night that I wrote: “ Let Go”. It's just that this one never got released. It was too personal.”

“ And you played it for us now! What an honor!”

“ I heard that miss Kenobi is my biggest fan, so I thought that it was appropriate.

Backstage, Rose Tico is crying uncontrollably, while Hux, Poe, and Finn try to calm her down. Hux is holding her tightly. He murmurs sweet things into her ear that she does not listen in her state of stress. She only keeps saying “He never plays that song.”

Truth be told nobody was expecting him to play that song ever in public. He only played it when it was only the five of them, in the safety of his house, always after a lot of bottles of whiskey. They always ended up crying. When he first played that song they were all completely drunk. In the end, he puked on the floor next to his piano. They did nothing. They hugged him and moved him t the couch and they all sat there crying until they fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I started writting this fic the only thing that I can think is Adam Driver playing the piano and singing this song. In my mind it's canon.  
> See you all next time xoxo


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of a flashback

_ 6 years earlier  _

_ Ben stepped into the small apartment that he shared with his fiance. From the moment that he opened the door, he could smell the apple pie that she made. Apple pies were his favorite dessert. Comfort food from his childhood. When it was made now, it meant that Rey was stressed or not feeling herself. _

“  _ Sweetheart! I'm back!”  _

_ She didn't respond. Instead, he heard the faint sound of sniffles. He harried into the room faster. He found Rey, curled up in their bed, hugging his pillow, not able to contain her tears. He approached her and laid a hand on her shoulder. In the feeling of the touch, the crying intensified.  _

“  _ Sweetheart, please, tell me what's wrong!” _

_ “ I don't know.” She answered him and continued crying. He lifts her from the mattress and holds her in his arms. The crying subsided a little, eventually. _

“  _ Rey, you have a lot of incidents like this lately. Don't ….” he hesitated to continue. They had that conversation before and it did not end up well. “ Don't you think that maybe you should see a doctor.” _

_ She looked him in the eye, betraying no emotion. “I told you before, I don't want to go to a doctor.” She said half-yelling. _

_ He sighed. “ I don't want to fight you, Rey! I just want what is best for you.” _

“  _ Well if you wanted what was best for me, then you would respect my wishes and never mention it again. Mentioning it now is selfish of you!”  _

_ He broke their embrace and stood from the bed. “ How am I selfish? I take care of me, not just for me but for you. You are the selfish one! You refuse to take care of yourself mentally! What will I do if anything happens to you? What will I do if I ever walk in here to find you hurt or worse?” He screamed at her, from the top of his lungs. _

“  _ THAT IS MY FUCKING PROBLEM!”  _

“  _ No, it is not! Whether you like it or not you are my fiance and if anything happens to you, it also affects me and our friends.” He took a deep breath. “ I really thought that you wanted this Rey. A family of our own.” _

“  _ Of course I want that. Just because I had a meltdown, doesn't mean that I don't want that!”  _

“  _ The problem is Rey that you did not have one meltdown! You have multiple per week and you won't let anyone help you!”  _

_ Rey looked at him and just shrugged. “ I'm taking the car!”  _

_ Ben was tired of her not wanting to face this problem and look after herself. “ Fine!” He screamed at her once again. What did not Ben Solo know was that he would regret those words for the rest of his life. At the moment he believed that she would be gone for a couple of hours, return late at night, and then he would be able to apologize for shouting and keep her again. That moment never came. _

_ He waited for a long time under the sheets of the bed. After a while, he knew deep down that something bad happened, but he refused to acknowledge it. He decides to go looking for her, but before he opens the door, his phone rings.  _

“  _ Yes?”  _

“  _ Hello, we call from Central Hospital, are you, Mr. Ben Solo.” _

_ “ Yes, I am. _

“  _ Well, Mr. Solo, I'm sorry to inform you that earlier today they brought in Mrs. Rey Kenobi. You are her emergency contact.”  _

_ “ What happened?” He asked although he knew. _

“  _ Car accident.” _

_ “ Can I come to see her?” _

“  _ Yes, of course.” _

_ She was unconscious when he arrived and she remained that way many weeks. At some point, he broke. He remained by her side for 4 weeks and every day he cried with regret, for the things he said before the accident. At the start of the 5th week, he had to go back home for a couple of hours. Finn stayed with her. Ans she finally opened her eyes.  _

_ Finn called him to give him the news. When he called he was in the shower. He picked up, feeling that it was finally going to be some good news. _

“  _ Hey! Did she wake up?”  _

“  _ Yes.” _

_ “ I'll be there in ten.”  _

“  _ Ben wait!”  _

_ “ What?”  _

“  _ She... doesn't remember you, Ben. You can't see her.” _

_ “ What are you talking about? How do you know that she doesn't remember me?”  _

“  _ The doctor asked her a few questions. She only remembers me and Rose a little bit.”  _

_ “ What do you mean a little bit?” He was angry now. _

“  _ She was confused at first. And her last memory, in general, was five years ago. She wasn't really friends with Rose back then ...”  _

_ “ And she hadn't met me yet...” His heart fell. He sat on the shower not knowing what to do. Finn took a deep breath on the other side of the line. _

“  _ Look, I'm sure it'll be fine. She's probably in a state of shock. She'll remember in a little bit.” _

_ “ Can I come over? Talk to the doctor?” _

_ “ Sure. I'll be waiting outside.” _

_ The hours became days, the days weeks, the weeks months, and the months became years, but Rey did not remember and Ben was not allowed to contact her. She was not allowed to be stressed. Ben poured all of his self-loathing, anger, and loneliness into his music, while Rey started going to auditions again, trying to find that piece of her that was missing. They were a little divided now. Hux and Poe kept an eye on Ben, while Rose and Finn stayed with Rey.  _

_ A few years before Hux proposed to Rose. There was no celebration, just the formal congratulations over the phone. A few months later Poe and Finn decided that they could not wait any longer and got married on a Sunday. Only Ben was at the wedding. Rose stayed with Rey and Hux was on the wait in case anything happened. Rey was unaware of both couples. _

_ When Rey discovered his music they all feared and hoped that she would either get confused or remember, Nothing happened.  _

_ Ben saw all of her movies. Again and again, every night until he fell asleep. He frequently talked with her doctor, trying to see if there were any improvements. There never were. _

_ They tried to get together every now and then the five of them. The night usually holds lots of alcohol and crying for long hours. _

_ Ben kept their small apartment. He bought it for them actually. Kept it clean and revisited it at least once a week. He never moved his piano. It was still there. When he finally moved he decided to just buy a new one. He had the money now. He kept the apartment the same way that it was that final day, He never moved her belongings or anything else. Deep down he still hoped that he could get Reyy back here one day.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that you all liked it. I'll see you next time. xoxo Cassie


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a shorter chapter, but I had to break the story that way. So... the chapter count is up... again....

Ben and Rey stepped into the elevator together to get backstage. Ben glanced up at her, thinking that this was the closest they've been in six years. Rey talks first.

“ I really liked your song. Thank you for singing it for me.” 

“ Anytime Miss Kenobi.”

“ Please call me Rey!”

The elevator opens and the four of them stand there waiting for them. Ben looks at them terrified. His eyes fall on Rose and he can see that her eyes are red and he knows exactly what happened. He gives her a reassuring smile to calm her down.

“ Oh, Mr. Solo let me introduce you! These are my friends Finn and Rose.” She says pointing at them.

Ben smiles sadly. “ This is Poe, my agent, and a good friend and my best friend Armitage Hux.”

“ Nice to meet you both!” She says at them and offers her hand to both of them. Poe and Hux shake her hand, while painful memories cross their minds.

“ I have to go to my changing room now. It was great meeting you!” Finn looks at Poe before leaving and then he follows Rey to her changing room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He knows that she hasn't left the studio yet and that she is still in her changing room. He can't just walk away now. He needs to at least say goodbye. Properly this time. So he knocks on her door. He hears light crying from the other side of the door and his heart instantly breaks all over again.

“ Is everything alright miss Kenobi?”

“ Yes! Come in!”

He opens the door and steps inside closing the door. From the corner of his eye, he can see her wiping away tears.

“ I'm so sorry if anything that I've done upset you in any way, miss Kenobi.”

“ No! Not at all. Your song just spoke to me.” 

“ I'm glad.”

“ What inspired you anyway?” She asked looking at him full of curiosity.

“ May I?” He asked showing to the seat next to her.

“ Yes! Of course!”

“ So what inspired me? Can you keep a secret ?” He asked and laughed a little. She looked at him and nodded her head.

He leaned against his seat and decided to go for it. He wasn't going to tell her the whole truth of course but the fraction of it that was important.

“ In all honesty miss Kenobi, my muse inspired me. The only one I've ever had.”

“ But the song is sad.”

“ Not all muses stay, I'm afraid.”

“ Did she... Uhm...”  _ Did she leave you? _ She wanted to ask but knew that it would be too much.

“ She did leave me in a sense.” He answered her unsaid question. “ She just doesn't remember.”

“ I'm sorry Mr. Solo.”

“ Please call me Ben. And it's fine, I guess. I've come to terms with it.” He stood up to leave and she immediately felt lonely again. “ It was a pleasure to meet you, Rey.”

“ You too Ben!”

He hesitated for a moment in front of the door and turned to look at her. “ Do you sing Rey?”

“ Only a little bit.”

“ I would love to sing something with you if you would like that.”

“ I would.” 

“ I'll leave my contact information with your agent. Call whenever you want.” And with that, he was out of the door.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rey thinks about his offer but hesitates to call. Eventually, her agent pulls her out of her dilemma.

“ You know you should call. If you decide to record something together it would be good publicity. For both of you.”

Per usual she can't deny. And a music session is set.

What both Ben and Rey had in mind was a private one. Just the two of them and now they have to suffer from at least a few crew members filming the whole process. There is a good thing though. A public music session means rehearsals, which means more time spent with Ben. Alone.

When she arrives at the studio, he is already there, waiting for her. She can hear him playing the piano. An old song from a kids' movie that she still watches sometimes. She thinks that it is funny that a man like Ben Solo knows  _ Anastasia  _ and plays Once Upon a December during his free time.

When he sees her he smiles and motions for her to approach. “Do you know the song, Rey?”

“Yes, the movie is one of my favorites. Although, I am surprised that you know it.”

“My muse used to love the song. I proposed to her on a December night. She used to say that it reminded her of us.” He answered lost in his own world.

Rey hated it when he got lost like that. “What would you like for me to sing as a warmup?” She asked in an attempt to make him snap out of it.

“You could sing that song if you'd like.” He answered not looking at her.

“Are you sure?”

“Yea, yes. Please.”

The session went smoothly and by the end of it, they had decided which songs they were going to sing together. Some of them were from Bens' first album and somewhere from various other artists that they both enjoyed.

And that's how a few weeks passed. And the public session was a success, but it also meant that Ben and Rey would probably not going to see each other any time soon. Because even though they got kinda close during this time they never mentioned that they were friends or something like that. And for some unknown reason that pained Rey. During this time she had gotten to like Ben and admire his work even more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed. Feel free to comment.  
> xoxo Cassie


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A smaller chapter but the ending is coming soon.  
> Enjoy!

Her dreams have gotten weird lately. She would see bits and pieces of people and places that she could not recognize, but most importantly she saw Ben quite regularly. But the dream that she saw last night did not feel like a dream but it felt like a memory.

She saw a snowy landscape and the sun setting and Ben kneeling in front of her and asking her to marry him. There was crying and laughter and hugs and kisses, but most importantly the feeling of belonging and safety. And then the dream became a nightmare. He was yelling at her and she was crying and storming of a house that she could not identify and getting into a car and driving away.

Then a big loud crash that scared her. Then nothing. That scared her so much that she woke up crying. Luckily Rose, who had stayed the night after a movie and drinks, heard her and came rushing in her room.

“Everything alright baby?”

“Just a nightmare.” She answered and hugged Rose tightly.

“My dreams are weird lately.”

“What do you mean.”

“I keep seeing Ben and a small house that I don't recognize and different bits and pieces.”

Rose exhaled. “Rey do you want to remember?”

“So badly.” She answered and left a sob. “I feel that there is a part of me in the past that found belonging.” She stopped and looked at Rose. “I forgot like four years. Who knows what lays in those memories.”

Rose stood from the bed that she was sitting in. “Come on. Get dressed. We are going on a ride.”

“Where are you taking me?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They took a long ride and visited Mazs' old cafe and the park next to her old house. Lastly, they rode in front of the apartment that she and Ben used to live. Rose parked somewhere near the park and let herself and Rey out.

“Does any of these remind you anything?”

“Only the apartment. It is the one that I keep seeing in my dreams.”

Rose is silent.

“What I see in my dreams... they are parts of memories, aren't they?” Rey asks finally figuring it out.

“Some of it probably yes.”

“I know that I need to remember on my own Rose, but I can't. And it's been six years. What if I never do?”

“You will. Eventually. You just need time.”

Rey was starting to lose her cool. She paced back and forth in front of Rose, who managed to remain calm.

“Then why do I keep seeing Ben fucking Solo on my dreams?”

Rose lowered her gaze. “I can't answer that.”

At this point, Rey was emotionally drained and defeated. “Tell me. If I don't remember, I need to at least know.”

“I can't tell you anything and you know that. I only took you here in hopes that this ride might jog your memory. It clearly did not work.”

Rey looked at her. She was suddenly feeling so tired. “Can you please take me home?”

“Sure”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there! I am in fact alive. If you've read the previous "chapter" that I now have deleted, I assure you that I am fine and safe. There were a couple of protests and now we are waiting for the final judgment in a couple of days.   
> I am sort of back on track. And yes I am a little behind on schedule but it going good.  
> I'll see you all in the final chapter! xoxo Cassie


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW! Accidents and hospitals

Despite their ride, Rey could still not remember. Deep down she knew that her past was linked with Bens. She just couldn't understand the extent of it.

The news came unexpectantly a few months later. She and Ben hadn't talked since the music session and things between her and her friends were tense sometimes when they refused to tell her about her past.

That morning Finn and Rose came by her house to have breakfast and spent the day together. She opened the TV and landed on a news channel. Something that Finn told her distracted her and she let the news channel on while they cooked breakfast together. They were sitting silently and eating when they heard the news.

“ _ About an hour ago musician Ben Solo crashed on the East 301 highway. Reports say that all passengers of both vehicles are in a good condition except Ben Solo who was rushed to the hospital with head injuries.” _

It all happened so fast. Finn and Rose got off from their seats, pulled out their phones, and started calling people. She could hear their voices even though they were in the next room.

“Armie.... are you ok? How about....”

She could hear them but she couldn't fully understand. She couldn't understand the reason for the phone calls or who was on the other side of it. She just kept staring at the screen. Then the channel played footage of the accident. The totaled car and the ruins around it. Something seemed so familiar about it. She walks towards the screen and stares at it while Finn and Rose still talk to their phones in the other room.

She lets the anchorwoman explain the incident and she closes her eyes. Her mind flashes images of another car crash, 6 years ago and of some time before it. There is a younger Ben crying and yelling at her. There are a door banging and keys going into the ignition of an old car.

She now understands. That's as far as her mind takes her for now, but at least she understands. She is on the floor, crying when Finn and Rose find her. They look at her, trying to understand what happened to her.

“I remember.” She simply states. “Not all of it. Only the fighting before and the car crash.” Finn gathers her in his arms.

“It's ok peanut. Don't push yourself. You need to rest.”

“He was my boyfriend, wasn't he?”

“You were engaged, Rey.” Rose says. And that's all it takes for Rey to collapse against Finn and start sobbing again. When the sobs quiet down, she looks at Finn.

“Can we go see him?” She asks.

“Not no peanut. You need to sleep. It'll help you remember. Calm you down. You're in a state of shock. Then we can go.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And sleep does help. When she wakes up she has more memories. Maybe not all of them, but they slowly come back to her. She remembers how she met Ben and his friends at a bar during her first year of college. How Finn and Poe hit it off right away. She remembers how their relationship made the two friend groups start hanging out and how she and Ben got close.

When she goes to the living room Finn and Rose are still there. They glare at her.

“How are you feeling Rey?”

“I remember more. And I feel confused.” 

“We can help you sort things out.”

“I only have one question for now.” She says and she sits on the couch, next to them. “Why did you pretend that you didn't know each other during the interview. I don't mean just Ben. But also Poe and Hux.”

“Honey, you didn't remember them. We had to let you remember on your own.” Rose answers.

Rey nods, finally understanding. “ Can I go see him?” She asks out of the blue.

“Of course. We promised.”

The ride to the hospital is silent while Rey thinks. Before they park she can see Poe and Hux waiting outside while Poe smokes and Hux fidgets. She faintly remembers him saying that he wanted to quit.

She climbs out of the car and walks towards them, “I thought you said you wanted to quit!” She tells Poe and he raises his head to look at her.

“I did quit. It's just a stressful day.” He says and walks up to her, wrapping her in his arms. “I'm glad that you're back peanut! We've all missed you.”

Hux hugs her next and it makes her smile because she knows that he is not one for physical contact, unless it is about Rose.

“How is Ben?” She asks them.

“He hasn't woken up yet.”

“Wouldn't it be funny if he woke and he did not remember?” She tries to joke, while also voicing her biggest fear.

“I try not to think about that,” Hux says.

They go to his room and Reys first thought is that he doesn't look at least half as bad as she did. They all decide to wait there for him to wake up. They take turns sleeping. Rey doesn't sleep. She always stays in the chair next to him. Waiting. Thinking.

Ben does wake up the next day while she is the only person in the room. He stirs and Rey has pulled away from her thoughts. She understands that he is waking up and she suddenly feels awkward and not prepared for the talk that will eventually follow, even though she practiced all night on her thoughts.

Ben turns and looks at her, full of questions.

“Hey! How are you feeling?”

“A bit in pain. But other than that, I'm good.”

Rey nods and looks at him.

“Are you really here?” He asks in disbelief. Like he doesn't know if she's real or not.

Rey looks at him and smiles.

“Yeah...”

“Does that mean that....”

Rey nods and almost immediately Ben tries to sit up. She is on his side and gently puts him back down. “You have to rest Ben. You can't just start jumping around!”

“But you're here. After all this time, you are actually here.” He says and his hand finds her cheek, while he starts crying.

“How did you remember?”

“I saw the car crash on the news. I guess it sort of jogged some memories.” Ben laughs at her.

“If I knew all those years that a car crash was all it would take to get you back, I would have totaled a car many years ago.”

“Don't say that Ben.”

“I am serious. I would just drive straight for a wall.” He keeps laughing while he strokes her cheek and looking her in the eyes.

“Ben, we need to talk about so many things.”

“I know.” He says and he nods. “Before you say anything though. I just want you to know that I'm glad that you've got your memories back. But I do realize that it's been 6 years and that you're not the same. Hell, I'm not the same. What I mean to say is that you don't have to worry about me pressuring you or anything. Even if you don't want to see me again, that's fine.”

She gives him her warmest smile and kisses the hand that is still on her cheek. “I'm so glad that you didn't just expect things to go back to normal just like that. But Ben I do want to see you again and move forward. I just need time. I think that maybe we need to rebuild some parts of our old relationship.”

“Do you believe that the foundations are there though? Or do we need to start from scratch?”

Rey laughs deeply and freely after a very long time. “The foundations are definitely there. Even the first floor.”

A moment passes. “I still love you, Ben. I haven't forgotten that.”

“I love you too.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's been a year and things were sort of back to normal. As normal as things could be when someone loses their memory for six years. It's Roses and Huxs wedding. Ben and Rey went together. They've been trying to find their old routine as much as they could. They were sleeping together most nights, trying to get accustomed to each other again so they could move in together again.

The wedding was lovely. It was long overdue and you could see everyone's happiness now that things were somewhat normal. During the reception Ben and Rey were dancing together, swaying to the beat of the music.

“I still can't believe that you wrote all those songs about me.” She says from where she is buried in his chest.

Ben pulls away slightly to look at her. “Is it that hard to believe sweetheart?” He takes a small step back to look at her in the eyes. “Those six years Rey, they were the worst of my life. I would trade all the fame and all the money and all the glory, for you to remember me for only a day. And I know that you are thinking that you are not worthy, but you are. At least to me.”

Rey smiles at him and steps back into his embrace. “I love you so much, Ben!”

“I love you too sweetheart.”

A moment passes. He takes a deep breath. “Marry me, Rey.”

She turns to look at him confused.

“I was planning on asking you when we got back and I don't have the ring with me. And I know we said that it would be for the best if we moved in together first and all that, but I can't wait any longer. I think that we waited long enough.”

She embraces him harder. He can feel her smiling against his chest and maybe crying a little. “Nothing would make me happier.”

“Is that a yes?” He asks and laughs that beautiful deep laugh of his.

She looks up at him. “Yes! But you'll have to ask again later. Properly.”

His loud laugh makes the bride and groom turn and look at them. He gives them a reassuring smile and then looks back at the precious woman in his arms. The one that he had to go through hell to get to.

“I promise I will.” He says and he kisses the top of the head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that you are not dissapointed that things didn't just go back to normal. But, after 6 years they are both different people. They were in great pain and now they need to fall back to their old lives, but that doesn't mean that those years that they spent apart did not happen. They are real and they represent a time of their lives that they would rather move on from. And that's what I never liked about fics like this one. They usually tend to make it seem that the amnesia is a fake time and that the experiences from this time are not worthy. It is very much real and you can't just erase that part of your story. You are not the same person anymore and it is important to show that that part of their lives can't just be erased. That part of themselves is real and present. They couldn't just go back. It isn't the point of the story. The point of the story is to move forward.  
> Soooo, this is my first completed, multi-chapter story! I am so emotional right now! I can't believe that I'm saying goodbye to my babies. This story means the world to me!  
> Feel free to check out my other stories! I think that you may like them! *wink*  
> I hope to see you all in another story. Thank you all so much for your support! xoxo Cassie

**Author's Note:**

> If you see any grammatical errors please tell me. English is not my mother language and there may be mistakes.  
> P.S 1 Chapter count may go up  
> P.S 2 Fran if you see this I just wanna say that I'm sorry. I know it was supposed to be a happy story, but I can't resist some angst.  
> If you liked this story, you may like some other things that I've written. Feel free to check them out.
> 
> You can find me on Twitter @soulsandsins  
> See you all next time! xoxo Cassie


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